Way past my bedtime

I have to admit, I've been slack on blogging the last week.  And I'd like to say it's because "I've just been so busy" but truth of the matter is, as much as I have become obsessed with blogging and following blogs, I've just been too content sitting my butt on the couch after supper watching all my DVR'd shows.  Oh the trilling life I live. 
School started back this week - cheerleading ends this week - and I've been really struggling with my relationship with God the last few days.  I don't mean I'm struggling like I don't know if I believe or not, I mean I'm struggling because I don't know that I'm where I should be in my walk and it has become very obvious this week (particularly today).  I feel as though I am constantly failing at being the Christian I strive to be. Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking, "You're going to fall, we all sin and fall short of the glory of God" but I don't give my all to God like I should.  It finally all hit me today as I took a challenge to not complain (thanks to Beth Moore's blog).  I realized that I am a total complainer and negative person. I never thought about it until I was made aware of it.  So I decided today, yeah Wednesday, to do my youth lesson (yeah for tonight's meeting) on being a complainer.  Through my study I found myself sitting in the parking lot of the Christian book store crying because I am so unworthy but yet God still loves me.  I started thinking and praying and God really showed me that it's not all about me - complaining often times give the impression that I'm better or worth more or...you get the idea.  I am as filthy rags and yet God continues to poor out His mercy, grace, and love to me daily. 
I am making a promise this day forward that I am going to do my very best to draw nearer to Him, not only for myself but for the ones that are around me.  For my family, friends, youth group, cheerleaders, co-workers, and for Jesus.